


Submerge

by Frenchibi



Series: Iwaizumi Week 2016 [7]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Day 7, Fire, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, Iwaizumi Week 2016, M/M, This is like a post-apocalyptic thing I guess?, prompt: AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-09
Updated: 2016-07-09
Packaged: 2018-07-22 13:57:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7441861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Frenchibi/pseuds/Frenchibi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Please, please wake up - I need- I need you to wake up, Tooru, please-”<br/>And he knows that voice, he just can’t place it, and it seems so urgent, he just doesn’t know why-<br/>“Don’t do this to me, I can’t- I-I can’t do this without you… please, please, wake up, Tooru, please, no-”</p><p>Or: The one where Oikawa's mission goes horribly wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Submerge

**Author's Note:**

> Iwaizumi Week, Day 7: Free Prompt | AU | ~~Anime vs. Manga~~

“Oikawa?! Oikawa, God damn it, answer me! Oikawa!”

That voice, He knows that voice.

There’s urgency somewhere, but it’s buried deep because he’s so, so tired, and everything is heavy and the urgency hurts. It’s so much easier to drift-

“Oikawa! You are not fucking dying on me! Not now! Not after- not after everything we’ve been through, God damn it! Oikawa! To- Tooru, please, please-”

It’s so heavy, and the silence is so blissful...

Letting go would be easy, if he could just shake this feeling of dread, this feeling that he’s forgetting the most important thing in his life, and it hurts, it hurts, and he just wants to be free-

“Please, please wake up - I need- I need you to wake up, Tooru, please-”

And he knows that voice, he just can’t place it, and it seems so urgent, he just doesn’t know why-

“Don’t do this to me, I can’t- I-I can’t do this without you… please, please, wake up, Tooru, please, no-”

~~~

He's drifting in and out of consciousness, but he can't move. He can vaguely sense that time is passing - it must be, because there are moments where he can hear rustling around him, and moments of utter silence that make him lose all ties with reality.

And then there's that voice again, sounding quiet this time, uncertain, fearful.

"...please, Tooru, I need you to wake up. If- if you can hear me-"

He feels the urgency, but he is powerless. There's nothing he can do.

A new voice joins the first, and it, too, is vaguely familiar. “You should get some rest.”

“Not until he wakes up. I need to know he’ll be okay.”

“Iwaizumi… you’re not helping him by punishing yourself. It’s not your fault, what happened to him.” 

Something slams down onto something else, and something falls.

“You’re talking like there’s no chance he’ll recover!

The anger in the first voice startles him - the words he's hearing make no sense, but the feeling is evident.

“Iwa- … you need to face reality. He’s unresponsive, and we need the equipment to treat… other patients. Patients with a better chance of getting out of this ali-”

“He’s alive! He’s just not awake!”

It's bursting, more anger. It hurts. It feels off, wrong.

“Yes, but for how long? Many of the other patients have a better chance at recovery-”

“You’re not taking him from me! As long as his heart’s beating, I can’t- I won’t leave him, I won’t go anywhere until he wakes up.”

"You're being stubborn-"

"I won't let you take him! And don't think I won't fight you, because I fucking will."

He hears shuffling, a sigh, then silence again. There's a strange pressure somewhere - his hand, maybe? His arm? - and then the first voice whispers: "...I know you're in there. And you know it's the truth, I'd fight everyone in this goddamn base who tries to tell me to give you up. I can't, Tooru. I can't."

And it fades.

~~~

The voice is back, and he feels a warm weight, but he's not sure where or how since he's not even sure where (or what) he is. But it's heavy.

“Tooru, I’m so sorry. I don’t know if you can hear me - or, …or if you’re even still in there… if you are, you need to keep fighting this. Please, please don’t give up."

There's a hiccup, almost comical, but the voice sounds so strained. Hopeless. _Heavy._

"There… there are so many things you wanted to do, so many… so many things I haven’t said to you, and I should have said them ages ago. I need you to hear them, and… and I want to hear you, too."

A dry chuckle. _It hurts._ He's not sure why.

"Who would’ve thought I’d… I’d miss your voice, huh? And the way you’d always cling to me, the way you’d always get a little too close for it to be innocent - the way your eyes light up when you see me - I always… I always knew, but I was a coward, and I never confronted you, and… all I wanted… all I wanted was for everything to stay that way."

Silence, shuffling, more silence. A searing pain starts in what he thinks might be his chest, but he still can't move.

"…I don’t want that anymore. I just want you to be okay, to wake up, so I can tell you… so I can tell you everything. Tell you… tell you that I love you, I always have, more… more than anything or anyone and… you’re the one who makes me want to keep fighting, keep trying, so I can be by your side-"

The feeling swells, and it hurts, and he wants the safe, comforting nothingness back because this pain is terrible-

"Tooru, I’m so… I’m so sorry… please, please, please don’t leave me before I can tell you. Please don’t give up now, Tooru, come back to me, please, please…”

~~~

The blackness engulfs him, but the pain doesn't fade. It's in his throat, too, and all over his skin, if he's not mistaken. Lights flash at him, but he has no idea if they're real.

And then there's a memory.

His world shatters, and he slams back into his body with the force of a bullet, and suddenly everything is on fire. He’s burning, burning and it’s too much, too close, too hot and he’s screaming, his lungs filling with smoke, his throat in blistering pain and he has no idea where he is but he’s dying, he can feel it-

And a voice tears through the heat, the pain, and it’s screaming his name -

“Oikawa!”

He tries to answer, but his voice is gone and it’s so hot, so hot, and he just wants to die so it will be over-

A pair of arms wraps around him, gathers him up and lifts him off the scorching ground and they’re warm, familiar, and that voice-

“I’ve got you - I’ve got you, we’re okay, we’re- Oikawa, stay with me, you hear? No no no, don’t close your eyes - Oikawa, God damn it, say something-”

And then everything is black, and the memory is gone.

But the pain remains.

~~~

He opens his eyes to a darkened room, and blinks for a moment, disoriented.

There’s a beam of light coming through the drapes, but it’s dim, artificial. And there’s a weight on his left arm.

He stirs gently, lifting his head - his muscles feel stiff - to see Iwaizumi, whose arms and head are resting in Oikawa’s lap while he’s still sitting on the chair beside the bed, leaving his torso awkwardly suspended in between. It looks uncomfortable.

Oikawa wonders briefly if the words he heard were a dream or reality, but concludes that he - they - don’t have the time to dwell on it. He only knows what he feels, and that every second he spends with the man sleeping next to him is a second he wants to cherish.

He reaches forward and runs his hand through Iwaizumi’s hair, which is matted and dirty with neglect. Scars cover his hands and arms, and Oikawa runs his thumb over them, as if his touch could heal the wounds inflicted by the cruelty of the world they live in.

He reaches Iwaizumi’s hand and starts a little when the fingers close over his. He lifts his gaze to find green eyes staring back at him, wide awake and alert.

There is a second, one tiny second where they both just stare. The next thing Oikawa knows, he’s being pressed into the sheets and frantic hands are running over his arms, his chest, cupping his face, searching for injury.

“Hurt?” Iwaizumi breathes, and Oikawa shakes his head when their gazes meet again. Something changes in those green eyes, and it clenches like a fist over Oikawa’s heart.

“Iwa-chan,” he croaks, voice neglected and broken, and he's reaching for him, touching his face. Iwaizumi looks like he’s going to burst any second.

“Tooru,” he whispers, tears building in his eyes, like he’s only just seeing him, only just letting himself believe it.

“I heard you,” Oikawa whispers, “calling out, begging me not to go. Was that-”

“Real?”

Iwaizumi lets out a shaky laugh, and the first of his tears slip from his eyes.

“Yes. Yes, it was real.”

“The fire… you saved me?”

“Yes.”

“But- we're supposed to leave the injured behind! You came back for me? You-”

“I'd never leave you,” Iwaizumi says fiercely, and he reaches up to grip Oikawa’s hand on his face.

“Never,” and he places his other hand over Oikawa’s heart. “Never, never, not for anything.”

His tears are silent, but Oikawa feels them like a kick to his stomach.

He’s flooded, right at that moment, with a wave of affection so strong it knocks the breath out of him. He stares, and stares- 

And it breaks.

“I love you,” he confesses, a small gasp, and in less than a heartbeat there are arms wrapped around him, lips covering his, Iwaizumi’s scent enveloping him and he’s home, he’s _home_.

They break apart and Oikawa sobs, tears now pouring down his face and it’s too much, too close, and Iwaizumi is laughing in relief, the sound interrupted by gasps and fresh tears. He’s laughing and crying and they’re kissing again, and everything is finally falling into place.

Iwaizumi pulls himself up onto the bed, wraps his arms around him, pulls him as close as he can, words spilling from his mouth between kisses.

“Tooru, Tooru” and “I love you” and “Oh, thank God, thank God you’re okay, you’re okay” and “I love you - Tooru, I love you, I love you, I love you” is what Oikawa hears, and he does the only thing he can - hold Iwaizumi just as tightly and gasp words in response, “I love you” and “Thank you,” “Iwa-chan” and “Hajime, I love you, I’ve always- I’ve always loved you, I love you, I love you,” until the words blend together into an incoherent mess.

Eventually the tears fade, the sobs turn to heavy breaths and Oikawa rests his head against Iwaizumi’s chest, above his heart, and his eyes fall closed. He feels exhausted all of a sudden, even though he’s evidently been unconscious for days. He wants to sleep right here in his friend’s arms and forget about everything else. And for once, he feels like he might actually sleep without nightmares.

“Tooru,” Iwaizumi says gently, nudging him lightly.

“Hm?”

He pulls away just far enough to look up at him, and smiles when their eyes meet, small and genuine.

Iwaizumi leans in, letting their foreheads bump together.

“…you’re safe,” he says with a sigh, and Oikawa isn’t sure for whose benefit he says it, but it fills him with warmth.

“I’m with you,” Oikawa says, like it’s an explanation. Iwaizumi’s answering smile seems almost sad.

“I didn’t save your life. The doctors did that.”

“But you got me out. Without you, I wouldn’t even be here. And… you stayed. You… you keep me sane. You’re… you’re the best part of me.”

Oikawa is almost shocked at how true his words are - and now that he thinks about it, he’s never been complete without Iwaizumi beside him. The affection, the love that he feels is taking on a magnitude he has no words for, and he hopes that Iwaizumi can feel it too, that he knows, that he understands how lost Oikawa would be without him.

Iwaizumi is watching his face, drinking him in, searching for words.

“… I’ve loved you for the longest time,” he says finally, sounding almost reverent. “For as long as I’ve known you, probably. It took me far too long to realize that I’m nothing without you. It took almost losing you-”

“Iwa-chan.”

Iwaizumi stops, takes a deep breath, nods at him.

“No, it’s okay. I know now. And everything makes sense.”

After a moment, he adds: “And if you think I’m ever letting you go-”

Oikawa smiles and shakes his head. “You’d never.”

“Damn straight.”

Iwaizumi cups Oikawa’s face in his hands, eyes immersed in each other.

“You’re… you’re so incredible, Tooru. Even when you’re... hurt and broken like this. And… you’re so strong, so determined, so… goddamn amazing, and I just… whenever I see you, I just…”

“You’re the one who’s amazing, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa says, but he can’t stop the blush creeping up his cheeks - there’s no way he means all that, he’s just saying it to make him feel better - there’s no way he’s good enough, no way he can ever be enough for someone like Iwaizumi, who is everything he just said and more; strong, determined and so stunning it takes Oikawa’s breath away sometimes.

“No, no. I’ve got nothing on you, and everyone can see it. Everyone wonders why you’re friends with someone as common as me-”

“Are you kidding? Anyone in their right mind can see that I’m worthless and petty if they look past the exterior - and anyone else would have abandoned me long ago, I’m much too complicated and troublesome. All I ever hear is people wondering why you’re still with me, you’re still right there and you still catch me every single time I make a mistake, or I’m too weak, or insecure, or-”

“Tooru. Tooru, stop.”

Oikawa is crying again, somehow, even though he doesn’t know when it happened and he’s not sure why. And, again, it’s Iwaizumi - it’s his Iwa-chan, it’s _Hajime_ \- who saves him, who intervenes, who stops him from falling.

He cups Oikawa’s face in his hands again, making sure he’s holding his gaze before he speaks, thumbs trailing over his cheeks to clear away the tears.

“Tooru. I need you to listen to me. Really listen. Okay? Can you- listen, listen. I need you to hear this, all of this, and I need you to believe it. Listen.”

Oikawa nods, powerless against him.

“You have never, ever been worthless. Ever. Maybe other people can’t see it, but I can - and I need you to see it, too. Listen. Every… every single day I got to spend with you so far was an improvement on my life, no matter how much I complain. I’ve always loved you, and I’ve always needed you, regardless of what I might have said or done."

He pauses, laughing weakly. "I know I’ve slapped you more times than I can count, I know I’ve insulted you and pushed you around, but I have never, ever hated you. Not once, not for a second. And the very, very last thing I would call you is worthless. On the contrary, you’re… you’re the most valuable thing in my life; I wouldn’t care if I lost everything but the clothes on my back as long as you’re still with me.”

Oikawa is shaking his head, unable to believe what he’s hearing, because it’s too much, it’s so much more than he’s ever allowed himself to hope, and it can’t be the truth because he doesn’t deserve this amount of unconditional acceptance and love-

“You’re not a bad person for feeling weak and insecure. And even if your fears get the better of you sometimes, you’re still one of the strongest people I know, because you’ve overcome so many of them already. You’re always growing, always surpassing expectations - and I know you think you’re not enough. I know you’re afraid that nothing you do will ever be good enough."

He squeezes Oikawa's hand, making sure he's looking at him when he continues. "But you’re so smart, and so compassionate when you want to be. How can’t you see that you’ve always been enough for me? You’re more than enough. I don’t care if you think you’re petty - everyone is sometimes - you’re not a bad person. I just… I know you’re never gonna be satisfied with yourself, but you should see yourself through my eyes.”

Iwaizumi chuckles softly. “Then again, maybe not. You’d get so conceited.”

Oikawa shakes his head, and Iwaizumi lets his hands drop into his lap, watching him.

“I don’t deserve you,” Oikawa says, because it’s the only thought his brain can fathom, while every other part of it is chanting Iwaizumi’s name.

“It’s not about what you deserve,” Iwaizumi says, reaching forward and squeezing Oikawa’s fingers. “The world doesn’t work that way. People don’t get what they deserve - you should take what you can get, and hold on to it. We don’t have the luxury of searching for justice anymore.”

“…every man for himself, huh?” Oikawa asks quietly.

“Except you’re not by yourself. I’m right here with you.”

**Author's Note:**

> What was Oikawa's mission, you ask? ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ (stay tuned for a continuation maybe?)
> 
> ...sorry if this one was a little over the top, I got carried away ^^'
> 
> And thus concludes Iwa Week 2016! ~~*muffled sobbing in the corner*~~ I don't want it to be over D:
> 
> Thank you to everyone who stuck with me though this, for your thoughtful comments and your support! ( ~~til next year, huh? But keep a look out, I might participate in Oikawa Week too...~~ )
> 
> [tumblr](http://frenchibi.tumblr.com)


End file.
